I’ve debated on where to start this story. To understand how profound February 21st, 1995 was for me, you’ll need a bit of back story. 

I grew up in a christian-believing, but non-attending home. My parents believed in God and lived a life with godly, biblical values. Until 1995 I had only attended church services a few times. Though I had heard a few Bible stories throughout the years, I really had zero biblical knowledge. 

Another important part of my back story is understanding how I viewed friendship. I loved school during my elementary years (K-4), not just for the academics, but probably more so for the friendships. Though I did not have a lot of close friends, the ones I did have meant the world to me. This is why, I believe, middle school (5 – 8) was so difficult for me. I hated middle school. Again, not so much the academic side of it, but the social aspect was incredibly painful for me. 

By the time I reached high school I had become a bit cynical about friendship and my small circle of friends became even smaller. Also by high school, I had tried enough substances and watched how it destroyed both family and friends to know I did not want to partake. Cigarettes were disgusting to me. All alcohol tasted nasty to me. Thankfully, I had not been successful in inhaling enough marijuana to make it of any appeal to me. And, I definitely had a guilty conscience about stealing or even being a look out for others. Looking back on this, I’m still stunned that by age 13 I had tried enough things to know that was not the life I wanted. Though I did not know it at the time, it had to have been the hand of God. 

This brings my story to 6 months into my freshman year of high school. I had very few friends, I think just 2 that I truly trusted. I was doing fairly well and enjoying my academics and had had a successful soccer season that fall. I was definitely more shy probably than ever before and just “kept my head down” often. As a sidebar note, this is also the year that my confidence and interest as a writer began. 

February 19th – 25th, 1995 was youth week at the Apostolic Church of Rumford where my aunt and cousins attended. I had visited a time or two over the years. Aunt Dalene asked if I would like to attend youth week with her and I agreed. I honestly don’t remember much of what the visiting preacher preached about. But, I do recall that Monday night on the way home the conversation in the car being about the Holy Ghost. 

Tuesday, February 21st, 1995 at the end of his preaching, the preacher invited the youth to the front to respond to the Word. Remember, I had no idea about any of this “stuff” but being a shy and obedient kid, I went up front with the rest. I remember closing my eyes and trying to think of what to say because I had no idea how to pray. I remember saying things like “thank you Jesus” a lot. Anyhow, after I’m not sure how long, something began to stir deep within me. It was hard to explain then and remains difficult to put into words today. All I knew was something felt profoundly different deep inside of me. I felt both light and lighter. Though I could not explain it at the time, I knew I was going home that night very different than when I left home. 

I think I returned for more services that week and also enjoyed ice skating with the youth group. But, I didn’t return to church until about a month later. My best friend and I were playing tennis and one of my cousins and his friend from church ended up at the same place that Sunday afternoon. We four got to talking and they invited us to church that night. My best friend had never been to such a lively church and couldn’t help but laugh through much of it. But she loved it! We both did. From then on we would ask for rides every Sunday and Thursday. We both fell in love with the people, the worship, and the Bible. We were like sponges. We would listen intently during services and then go home and read all about it in the Bible. We had so many questions. We would read separately or together. Much of our phone conversations revolved around the Word. We were all in!

There’s thousands of small details I could share, but will try to wrap it up with this. When I consider my back story before I met Jesus, I would say friendship was high on my values list. And because I had been so hurt by “friends”, I was desperate for a true friend. Jesus absolutely became that and so much more. When I went into that church that Tuesday night I had no idea what God had in store for me nor how the trajectory of my life would be forever changed. But, God knew. He knew me. He knew I needed Him. He knew I longed for Him. He had been preparing my heart from the very beginning to know Him and had been equipping me for work in His Kingdom. It’s amazing how much we can see Him in the fine details when we’re looking for Him. 

This year marks 28 years. Always at the start of a new year, I look back and remember where I was, where I’ve been, where I am, and where He’s still leading me. I stand in awe of Him and will remain forever thankful. 

In the book of Exodus chapter 3 we read the account of Moses’ encounter with the burning bush. 

“And the angel of the LORD appeared to him in a flame of fire out of the midst of a bush. He looked, and behold, the bush was burning, yet it was not consumed. And Moses said, “I will turn aside to see this great sight, why the bush is not burned.” (v.2-3)

As far as we know this is the first “face to face” encounter Moses has with God. God instructs Moses that he will be the deliverer of God’s people Israel from their bondage to Egypt. What follows is a dialogue between God and Moses where Moses asks a number of questions. I so appreciate God’s patience and willingness to answer each of Moses’ questions. The one that stands out to me (and the purpose of this post) is: 

“But Moses said to God, “Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the children of 

Israel out of Egypt?” He said, “But I will be with you, and this shall be the sign for you, that 

I have sent you: when you have brought the people out of Egypt, you shall serve God on this mountain.” (v.11-12)

We see in the dialogue, Moses questions his identity and ability to carry out the job God was giving him. “Who am I?” God’s response is profound! “I will be with you!” Next, Moses asks for God’s identity. “Who do I say sent me?” This is where we see God identify Himself as the “I AM”. The conversation continues a bit longer and Moses finally requests that God sends someone else. 

Most of us know this story. Moses did in fact go to Pharaoh and demand he let God’s people go. We know that God gave Moses Aaron to help as a speaker. We know God performed miracles, signs, and wonders not only for Pharaoh to behold, but for the Egyptians and Israelites as well. There were ten devastating plagues that followed, the onset of a feast to observe for generations, and a mighty deliverance. The Israelites left bondage with both health and wealth. They miraculously cross the Red Sea on dry ground. They are led through unknown territory with a pillar of cloud by day and a pillar of fire by night. They are provided with abundant fresh water and daily sustaining meat and bread. Their clothes and shoes never wear out. And yet, they complained. They rebelled. They formed idols. At one point, they accepted and promised to abide by God’s law, but did not want to look at Him. Though the majority of Israelites stumbled in their walk with God at this time, Moses’ faith and trust grew exponentially. We see this in Exodus 33. 

Moses said to the LORD, “See, you say to me, ‘Bring up this people,’ but you have not let 

me know whom you will send with me. Yet you have said, ‘I know you by name, and you 

have also found favor in my sight.” Now therefore, if I have found favor in your sight, please show me now your ways, that I may know you in order to find favor in your sight. Consider too that this nation is your people.” And he said, “My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.” And he said to him, “If your presence will not go with me, do not bring us up from here. For how shall it be known that I have found favor in your sight, I and your people? Is it not in your going with us, so that we are distinct, I and your people, from every other people on the face of the earth?” And the LORD said to Moses, “This very thing that you have spoken I will do, for you have found favor in my sight, and I know you by name.” (v. 12-17)

By this time, Moses knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that nothing else mattered. He knew the most important thing was for God to be with them, to go with them. 

So, how does this apply today? How many of us have felt or believed God was calling us to some task? Just like Moses, I am sure we had a list of questions for God, one of them surely being “who am I?” We can look in the mirror, or listen to ourselves speak, or consider our list of lacking credentials. God calling us to a task has very little to do with who we are as individuals and has everything to do with Who He is! 

Moses questioned who he was. God said He would go with him.

Moses asked who is sending me. God answered “I AM”.

Moses said they would not listen or believe him. God asked what was in Moses’ hand.

Moses highlighted his speech impediment. God highlighted His creativity in 

forming the human tongue.

Moses asked God to send someone else. God gave him Aaron as a helper.

We may ask about our identity. The answer is our identity is IN God.

“and your life is hidden with Christ in God.” Colossians 3:3b

We may ask more about Who is sending us. Allow the Lord to reveal Himself to you.

“how the mystery was made known to me by revelation, as I have written briefly…which was not made known to the sons of men in other generations as it has now been revealed to his holy apostles and prophets by the Spirit.” Ephesians 3:3, 5

We may doubt others’ responses to us. God has already provided what we need to complete His task.

“His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence” II Peter 1:3

We may accentuate our faults and failures. God will accentuate His character and ability.

“Have you not known? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable.” 

Isaiah 40:28

We may even ask that someone else do it. God will more than likely provide us a helper. 

“For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them.” Matthew 18:20

“And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken.” Ecclesiastes 4:12

So, the question remains: will you go or not go? The answer lies in is He with you or not?